The most important thing of course that has been consuming me. Tonight a big dose of reality is waiting for me as I step off this plane. She talked about how she was so excited to run this but then pulling up to park and seeing your little face on the poster was just awful. A huge thank you to Mayor Stanton of Phoenix, Arizona for signing our proclamation to declare September as Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I find myself sitting and trying to process all of this on a deeper level but I mostly just sit in disbelief that this world hasto bewithout you. Shes very eager which I like. We have been dealing with some *cough cough* technical difficulties. I have tried to get it about 3 times, but all I can do is sit in the parking lot and cry. Of course I can. I wiped my tears away and let him tell me it was going to be alright. I cannot get rid of your bed and the Master Yoda that hangs above it. I love you. How I would hold you and your daddy would give you the shot. I wonder if my sleep will ever be the same again. I was holding him and our Mr. Sparkly Eyes came into the room. I had all I could take. The only ones I feel comfortable taking. Mr. Sparkly Eyes - ROCKSTAR RONAN Tag: Mr. Sparkly Eyes Thankful for the opportunity to continue talking about Ronan, Taylor, childhood cancer, and the horrifically hard world of bereaved parents. Your brothers get the flu, awesome! I nodded my head and walked off repeating the words over and over again, Its going to be alright, its going to be alright.. What is today? Why are your eyes so red today? He asked. I opened a letter from someone saying how they had heard your story, wanted to help, but they only had 1 dollar. Then perfect your baby has cancer Ronan, but we will fix him. All I did was try to get in a few runs before the big event so I could actually try to make it around the lake without having to be pushed in a wheel barrel. I let the tears, sweat, and vomit take over my world for 3 days straight. I hope you have a great day today filled with all of the simple things that matter. Ive been trying to get us all ready for our second Christmas, without you. They seem to be growing by the day and that makes me so proud. on Its 3:25 a.m.? It is just all so wrong. I dont want to talk to much about it because I dont want to jinx myself. The biggest reason of all. I think that is pretty good, considering our circumstances. I just told him I had a lot going on in my head, like always. I left the restaurant with Liam. Our Fairy RoMo. Gnite. I wont tell you everything they did to him, because I feel like I have to protect you. It wont be the real name for the baby. We talked about some other things. I sat in my bed for a couple of days and pondered life and death. I miss you so much. I worry about her so much already. I sat at the TGen conference all day again today. Her baby, was 21 when she was diagnosed. You know how I hate our little frienemy. No matter how frustrated or sad I get because I know at the end of the day, youre not coming back. Im pacing the house now. I know we can change this. Last year I probably would have said I was thankful for nothing. Katie. The MRI showed a mass behind Nela's eye and it turned out, Nela did not just have allergies. Do not let anything take him away. Its comforting to your daddy and brothers so this is why I stay here. Its early in the day around 5 a.m. I read your blog every day and as a father your strength and love is simply amazing!! I saw things that you dont even know about. Someday, I will tell you. I sobbed into the phone. I cannot believe how truly hard you are working, Ronan. Rach. I hid my tears from everyone, as not to upset your brothers. Instead, I grabbed Rachel and took her with me. Do I usually have this hard of a time, every year, right before the holidays? Through my sadness, grief, pain.

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